Xxpurple_devilxX

name: august age :17 almost 17 height:::5'9 sadly fav artist I have a lot: russ,nf ,lil Waynei ,Kendrick, 50 cent,2pac,juciewrld. its hard to be loved in a world with mistrusting people. you think i'm a bad person? think that idc anymore I changed myself for u destroyed myself ,hurt ,lied,cried, and kill for u. i'm not a bad person h hate the fact y'all think that I try and try to plz everyone but I can't anymore i'm to broken and lost to do it. I been lost in the dark to long and no one is coming to save me or help me out. someone anyone plz save me from myself the voices just keep growing and get louder plz I can't take it anymore someone hold me for a awhile don't leave me alone. i'm so tired of people stabbing me in the back when all I show is kindness I'm tired of my love being taken for granted and being played I'm loyal to a fault is that so bad? is it so back to show that u love someone? I just can't love anymore because i'm a over thinker been heart broken, hurt,back stab,cheated on, lied to, been told i'm a bother, say i'm to caring or nice. I say f love when all I really want is to be loved and held. I don't want to be lied to. "You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain" -dent "i made the decision not to answer your calls because I put everything out there and got nothing at all"-sam smith "to much of a good thing won't be good anymore"-sam smith "If you want love your going have to learn how to change"-nf "I pray someday I find yourself with someone else"-nf "how could u leave us"-nf "they say my music the only reason there still alive"nf I been so lonely for a while idc if people like me or not. I hate human contact and yet I crave it I miss being hugged,being held, i'm not the type to say I need help or need someone to hold me when I cry. I'm the type to cry alone till my eyes hurt then lie and say i'm just tired I'm struggling and I just don't know what to do. I try telling my story only to get shut down and hurt. I try to pick myself up but the sec I feel its getting better something comes along and messes it up and I have to start all over and I hate it i'm just so tired..... Hey, you I'm just now leaving Can I come around later on this evening? Or do you need time? Yes, of course, that's fine Hey, you Good morning I'm sure you're busy now, why else would you ignore me? Or do you need space? You can't help it if your mind has changed So go ahead and break my heart again Leave me wondering why the hell I ever let you in Are you the definition of insanity? Or am I? Oh, it must be nice To love someone who lets you break them twice You're so blue Are you still breathing? Won't you tell me if you find that deeper meaning Do you think I've gone blind? I know it's not the truth when you say, "I'm fine" So go ahead and break my heart again Leave me wonderin' why the hell I ever let you in Are you the definition of insanity? Or am I? Oh, it must be nice To love someone who lets you break them twice Don't pretend that I'm the instigator You were the one, but you were born to say goodbye Kissed me half a decade later That same perfume, those same sad eyes Go ahead and break my heart again Leave me wondering why the hell I ever let you in Are you the definition of insanity? Or am I? Or am I? It must be nice To love someone who lets you break them twice BIG NF FAN NF mistake: I feel like I'm at standstill waiting for you to tell me I'm ok If time heals, tell me why do I kill myself Tryna show you I'm not a mistake I've got qualities that I'm not proud of I've made promises that I walked out on I've had days I feel I don't deserve love So think what you think, just don't call me a Mistake, might of made some Can't argue with that, but I ain't one Even though I sometimes get afraid of Having to face the wrath of an anxious me I get it 'cause I actually Feel the same sometimes I think I might be a lost cause who turns off 'Cause the way I read Into what I've been through You'd think I'm mental But it pays off though when the rent's due I pursue what I love and if it goes South and falls down just know I'll stand on my own two feet Don't you see Those that oppose on me Most won't leave Thinkin' I might retreat Show my teeth quick if you turn on me 'cause I feel like I'm at standstill waiting for you to tell me I'm ok If time heals, tell me why do I kill myself Tryna show you I'm not a mistake I've got qualities that I'm not proud of I've made promises that I walked out on I've had days I feel I don't deserve love So think what you think, just don't call me a Just don't call me a Just don't call me a Mistake 'cause I'm not one Misplaced but I found a Lot of resentment Causes a mess when you let it get to the place of No confidence Struggle with it, that's obvious But not enough to make me second guess If I'd die for the ones I love So don't you get confused Thinking if you Bring me down I'ma just choose To let myself get used I don't live like that I feel trapped I might lash out I gotta watch my back Cross my path, especially with ill intent You'll regret you ever took that task If and when this thing could all go bad Don't you act like no one warned you yet 'cause I feel like I'm at standstill waiting for you to tell me I'm ok If time heals, tell me why do I kill myself Tryna show you I'm not a mistake I've got qualities that I'm not proud of I've made promises that I walked out on I've had days I feel I don't deserve love So think what you think, just don't call me a Mistake NF if u want love:I just need some time, I'm tryna think straight I just need a moment in my own space Ask me how I'm doin', I'll say "okay, " yeah But ain't that what we all say? Sometimes I think back to the old days In the pointless conversations with the old me Yeah, back when my momma used to hold me I wish somebody woulda told me If you want love, you gon' have to go through the pain If you want love, you gon' have to learn how to change If you want trust, you gon' have to give some away If you want love, if you want love Yeah, as a kid I used to think life Is moving so slow, I watch it go by Look out the window on my bus ride I thought the world was so small, through my closed eyes I've always tried to control things In the end that's what controls me Maybe that's why I'm controllin' I wish somebody woulda told me If you want love, you gon' have to go through the pain If you want love, you gon' have to learn how to change If you want trust, you gon' have to give some away If you want love, if you want love The older I get, I feel like I'm always tryna save time Talkin' to the voices in my head, they make me think twice Tellin' me it doesn't mean it's wrong because it feels right I'm scared that one day I wake up and wonder where the time go Talk about the past like it's the present while I rock slow I'll sit in the living room and laugh with kids of my own And tell 'em If you want love, you gon' have to go through the pain I wish you woulda told me If you want love, you gon' have to learn how to change I wish somebody woulda told me If you want trust, you gon' have to give some away You gon' have to give If you want love, if you want love If you want love, if you want love NF time: Even if we both break down tonight And you say you hate me, and we go to bed angry I know everything will be alright I'll be here waiting, I promise I'm changing I just need A little time to show you I'm worth it I know that I can be a difficult person I'm a stress case, drive you up the wall when I'm workin' Actually, I'm probably worse when I'm not, you don't deserve it Make you nervous 'cause you know I'ma break soon Every time I do, I say somethin' that hurts you Actin' like I'm gone, but we both in the same room I don't like to be wrong, which I know you relate to And I know I make you feel like you're at the end of your rope That's when I look at you and tell you I'd be better alone Just the pride talkin', isn't it? 'Cause both of us know I'm the definition of "wreck" if you look into my soul Comes out the most when I feel I'm in a vulnerable place Made a lot of mistakes I wish I knew how to erase When I'm afraid, might get distant and I push you away But no matter the case, I'ma do whatever it takes even if Even if we both break down tonight And you say you hate me, and we go to bed angry I know everything will be alright I'll be here waiting, I promise I'm changing I just need Time (oh) I, I need time (oh, oh) I just need time (oh) I, I need time (oh) Time (oh), time (oh) Yeah, way before I bought you the ring We were fighting back and forth like you were wearin' the thing Two passionate people not afraid to say what they think Lead to passionate conversation when it's hard to agree You know me well, sittin' on the edge of my seat Lookin' at life, overanalyzin' everything Always depressed, tryna find a better version of me Searching for somethin' I know's prolly right in front of my feet Stubborn as me? Maybe not, but you're close to it Got a lot of issues, I'm tryin' to work through 'em Going to therapy for you's somethin' that's worth doin' When I know you been there for me through all of my worst moments And I know it hurts knowing that I carry this weight on my chest Making it difficult for me to open up and connect Lot of regrets, I apologize for all of the stress That's not what I meant to do, you know I love you to death even if- Even if we both break down tonight And you say you hate me, and we go to bed angry I know everything will be alright I'll be here waiting, I promise I'm changing I just need Time (oh) I, I need time (oh, oh) I just need time (oh) I, I need time (oh) Time (oh), time (oh) I just need time (oh) I, I need time (oh, oh) I just need time (oh) I, I need time (oh) Time (oh), time (oh) NF therapy session :Yeah, I got off stage like a month ago I was talking to fans And one of them pulled me aside and said "We never met but I swear that you know who I am I been through a lot I don't know how to express it to people, don't think that I can But I got that Mansion CD on rotation That's real for me Nate, you do not understand" It's crazy for me Kids hit me up, say they slitting they wrists on the daily This music is more than you think Don't book me for just entertainment, it's entertaining Hearing these parents, they telling their kids My music is violent, you gotta be kidding me I guess that your definition of violence and mine Is something that we look at differently How do you picture me, huh? Want me to smile? You want me to laugh? You want me to walk in the stage with a smile on my face When I'm mad and put on a mask? For real though! I mean, what you expect from me? I'm tryna do this respectfully They say that life is a race I knew my problems would probably catch up eventually I do my best to be calm How you gon' write me and tell me you'd slaughter my family? That's just a glimpse to the stuff that get sent to me These are the parts of my life they don't never see, woo! I am aware it's aggressive I am not here for acceptance I don't know what you expect here But what you expect when you walk in a therapy session, huh? Therapy, therapy session Therapy, therapy session This girl at the show looked me in the face And told me her life's full of drama (yeah) Said her dad is abusive Apparently he likes to beat on her mama I got so angry inside I wanted to tell her to give me his number But what you gon' do with it right? You gon' hit him up then he'll start hitting her harder That's real These kids, they come to my shows with tears in they eyes Imagine someone looking at you and saying your music's the reason that they are alive Sometimes, I don't know how to handle it This type of life isn't glamorous This ain't an act for the cameras You see me walk on these stages but have no idea what I'm dealing with after it I put it all in the open This is the way that I cope with all my emotion I'm taking pictures with thousands of people But honestly, I feel like nobody knows me I'm trying to deal with depression I'm trying to deal with the pressure How you gon' tell me my music does not have a message When I'm looking out at this crowd full of people I know I affected? Ah, I got some things in my life (my life), I know I should let 'em go (let'em go) Let me jot it down (jot it down), let me take a mental note (mental note) I put it all in this microphone (microphone), think about that for a minute What is the point of this song? Just venting But what you expect from a therapy session, huh? Therapy, therapy session Therapy, therapy session What you think about me That doesn't worry me I know I handle some things immaturely I know that I need to grow in maturity I ain't gon' walk on these stages in front of these people And act like I live my life perfectly That doesn't work for me Christian is not the definition of a perfect me, woo! I ain't the type to be quiet I ain't gon' sit here in silence If I wouldn't say what I say to your face Then I promise you I wouldn't say it in private I am not lying People go off on my page and I'm trying to quit the replying But this is ridiculous I'm passionate man, I really mean what I'm writing You want me to keep it a hundred? Okay, I'll keep it a hundred I see a whole lot of talking on socials But honestly, I don't see nothing in public I kinda love it, yeah "Why don't you write us some happy raps? That would be awesome All your music is moody and dark, Nate" Don't get me started You wanna know what it's like if you met me in person? Listen to my verses This music is not just for people who sit in the pews and pray at the churches I've been rejected I don't expect everyone to respect it I don't expect you to get my perspective What you expect from a therapy session, huh? I mean, I think sometimes people they confuse what I'm doing I write about life, I write about things that I'm actually dealing with Something that I'm actually experiencing, this is real for me Like this is something that personally helps me as well I'm not confused about who gave me the gift God gave me the gift, and he gave me the ability to do this And he also gave me this as an outlet And that's what music is for me When I feel something, whether it's anger Um, it's a passion about something, or frustration Like this is where I go, this is, that's the whole "NF Real Music" thing, man This is real for me, I need this, this is a therapy for me BIG RUSS FAN TOO that was me russ:You know that was me, stayin' up, puttin' work in Makin' sure my family was good, we were hurtin' Dad lost his job, bank tried to take the house Mom lost her mind, I was tryna make it out You know that was me who came through when it mattered You know that was me turnin' loss into laughter Divvy up the cash, makin' sure we all eat Bring us all together, makin' sure we all speak Wasn't gettin' sleep, I was focused on the prize Heavy smokin' weed, drinkin' liquor every night The girl I was in love with wasn't just for me I tried to show her things she didn't wanna see My parents were embarrassed, hated seein' them like that They carried me this far, it's time I put 'em on my back My songs were breaking through, my car was breaking down Yeah, the pressure grew, I had to make it now The awkward conversations and the fights increased The days were chaotic, so the nights were my peace I'm locked in like whoa-oh Whoa (whoa) You know that was me, stayin' up, puttin' work in Makin' sure my family was good, we were hurtin' Dad lost his job, bank tried to take the house Mom lost her mind, I was tryna make it out You know that was me who came through when it mattered You know that was me turnin' loss into laughter Divvy up the cash, makin' sure we all eat Bring us all together, makin' sure we all speak Tried to keep the peace, I was hiding how I felt Only twenty-three, takin' care of things myself Payin' all the bills, everyone was broke All the while still, tryna be the goat I'm lonely all the time, but I've always held my tongue It's been six years since I wasp a brother or a son My father lost his voice, he said money speaks He didn't have a choice, had to come to me The awkward conversations and the fights increased The days were chaotic, so the nights were my peace I'm locked in like whoa-oh Whoa (whoa) You know that was me, stayin' up, puttin' work in Makin' sure my family was good, we were hurtin' Dad lost his job, bank tried to take the house Mom lost her mind, I was tryna make it out You know that was me who came through when it mattered You know that was me turnin' loss into laughter Divvy up the cash, makin' sure we all eat Bring us all together, makin' sure we all speak Cut off everybody I ain't got no time to party (yeah) Tryna get these fans and build a motherf**** army (yeah) 'Cause no one's gonna save us, but me, so I got us (I do) I said that I would I gotta keep my promise (yeah) Missed out on a lot, yeah, my twenties were a blur (yeah) My mind was always focused on the future, that's for sure But I'd sacrifice it again and again (I would) To make sure my fam doesn't go thru that again (for real) Oh, I've been on my own, my own (oh) Oh, I been on my own, my own (oh) You know that was me, stayin' up, puttin' work in Makin' sure my family was good, we were hurtin' Dad lost his job, bank tried to take the house Mom lost her mind, I was tryna make it out You know that was me who came through when it mattered You know that was me turnin' loss into laughter Divvy up the cash, makin' sure we all eat Bring us all together, makin' sure we all speak If u your eyes were water I drown in your ocean If you were a painting I look at u for hours If you were fire I burn in your flames If u words took your breath away I’ll write paragraphs till i die If my love for u was gravity It crush the earth My love burns greater than fire Your smile is the best ik know of u made it this far i'm just so tired of being hurt, tired of loving people that think they can hurt me of use me . y is that no one thinks that there hurting me? I'm trying my best and u still want more? what more do u want from me? I gave u everything all my love,all my time , all the things u wanted only to leave me , only to tell me I wasn't good enough only to tell me that u love someone else. Y ,Y did u do it? Y did u hurt me .i'm just so tired of being the only one loving myself and its not even myself its the broken pieces of everything I have left. the left over of who I tried to be. sometimes I wish I didn't see u that I just kept going on about my life u came to me and I fell for u hard if u didn't see forever y did u even try? y did u think it was ok to even talk to me? I opened up to u told u all my secretes nothing will ever be the same anymore i'm done talking to people done being friendly i'm to tired to be used anymore there's nothing left but the empty hole u left. if u did make it to the end good job dm me the word sunday